I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
