you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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