In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
