Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
