So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
