So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
