even my farts smell like vagina
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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