I must be too annoying 4 u.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
