life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
