OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
