summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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