This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
