I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
