cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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