Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.