I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away