Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
