I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?