I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.