Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.

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(443): i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it. http://tfl.nu/j4pq

Replies (10) Good night (1203) Bad night (4604)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.

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(803): you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night. http://tfl.nu/8q1c

Replies (11) Good night (4756) Bad night (582)
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(586): View more from Michigan

May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.

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(586): May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner. http://tfl.nu/u3lx

Replies (18) Good night (798) Bad night (5461)
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(562): View more from California

even your uterus rejects him.

(1-562): View more from California

apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.

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(562): even your uterus rejects him. (1-562): apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body. http://tfl.nu/g0cm

Replies (7) Good night (5250) Bad night (1076)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.

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(717): Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin. http://tfl.nu/gep5

Replies (13) Good night (4078) Bad night (776)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.

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(774): well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday. http://tfl.nu/vkd1

Replies (5) Good night (5919) Bad night (1141)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla

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(201): dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla http://tfl.nu/0yq4

Replies (13) Good night (4390) Bad night (1281)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level

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(908): I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level http://tfl.nu/uegr

Replies (11) Good night (5343) Bad night (1285)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.

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(319): Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again. http://tfl.nu/9aen

Replies (10) Good night (3590) Bad night (1261)
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(503): View more from Oregon

you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you

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(503): you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you http://tfl.nu/l62c

Replies (4) Good night (2150) Bad night (1085)
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(631): View more from New York

4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.

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(631): 4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised. http://tfl.nu/mwr8

Replies (7) Good night (975) Bad night (1952)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.

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(501): These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves. http://tfl.nu/s1g0

Replies (6) Good night (3294) Bad night (925)
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(573): View more from Missouri

No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.

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(573): No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday. http://tfl.nu/3i0h

Replies (3) Good night (1400) Bad night (559)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.

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(405): The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore. http://tfl.nu/c65h

Replies (4) Good night (1004) Bad night (439)
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(210): View more from Texas

He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with

(1-210): View more from Texas

You went over didnt you?

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(210): He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with (1-210): You went over didnt you? http://tfl.nu/ykhn

Replies (5) Good night (904) Bad night (558)

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