I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch