OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
why do cheetos always look like penises
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
