Screwed.edu
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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