Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
