so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
