I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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