I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
