i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
