thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
