I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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