Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize