i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Shame - the story of my life.
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