I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
