my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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