and you said cock pushups were impossible
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
