you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
