she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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