Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
