Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
