A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
