just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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