Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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