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• (917): View more from New York City

  Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now

  (917): View more from New York City

  Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway

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• (518): View more from New York

  Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"

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• (904): View more from Florida

  But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Can I get my morals surgically removed?

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.

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