did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
