I smell stomach acid.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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