Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
