hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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