Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
