So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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