she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
