If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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