Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
