respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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