OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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