8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently you make a good broom.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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