My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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