How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
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why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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