OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
