I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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