Im at strip club and am horny
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to calm my uterus...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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