So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
