i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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