I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
