I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
