i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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