Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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