if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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